Nothing lasts forever..right?

what do you do when the person you need the most is the farthest.
what do you do when you are surrounded by people who will not stop looking at you and all you want is to be under your quilt.
what do you do when you know you can't carry on living this way but you cannot do anything to stop.
what do you do when you are in desperate need of help but there is no one to trust with your problems.
what do you do when all your motivation is gone.
what do you do when you know how to hide your feelings so well that you don't know how to put your emotions into words and tell someone how you truly feel.

Am I still suppose to smile, accept and carry on until I reach to a breaking point of doing something stupid.
Am I to keep praying and hoping everything will be Okay?

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Essay.

This is actually so annoying, I can't work without getting distracted.
It's either youtube, facebook or my phone! oh my god, this is getting ridiculous!
I really need to get this English Lit essay done by tonight and I have my lines to recite for theatre!

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I had such a good night yesterday, although half of it still a blur and I'm still trying to remember if I did anything stupid! Apart from that, it was so good seeing my friends! Oh, how I have missed them so much! The funny thing about the night was that I was helping my girfriends out with their man problems while I was on the border line of being tipsy and drunk! I hope I gave good advice and said things that made sense!

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I cannot wait to see my best friend this friday! I haven't seen her in such a long time and I miss her an enormous amount. That douchette doesn't even know!
I am off to watch X-factor :) and try to finish my essay!
Goodbye !

It's been a nice night tonight! Even though half of it was spent on doing mathematics and the other half on facebook! I thought it was pretty nice :)
I was just flicking through all the old pictures and watching videos, oh how I really miss my friends both in Hong Kong and Northwood School! I wish life was so easy that I could visit them every once in a while! Most of all, I miss my best friend <3

My folks aren't giving me helpful advice on whether I should apply for a part time job or not! It's really bugging me because I really need the money for my own expenditures and without having to feel bad every time I recieve money from my father! But then there is sixthform, on the other hand! I guess I will just have to be really organized and geekified if I were to apply for a part-time job.


okay, is Geekified even a word -__-

I have been feeling tired all the time lately. I've been told that I've lost weight ._. or let's just say 'wasting away' which annoys me. They dont' know how much shit I eat haha.

I AM SO BLOODY EXCITED FOR TOMORROW !
I cannot wait to see my lovely best friend, finally after a month! The longest we've been apart, haha we sound like such homosexuals ! Even though it will be so darn cold tomorrow, it should be a fun freezing day !

I haven't got much to say tonight, well it's more like 'I just don't have the energy'!
so I'll keep it short and say GOODnight!

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whenever I tell people what time I get up in the morning, they always go 'oh my god what you wake up so early for' then I casually like to say 'oh for my morning porn, ofcourse'

well, I actually hate waking up knowing I have like 45 minutes or 1 hour to get ready for school, I like to wake up early because I like to do things in the morning, things like eat my breakfast in my normal pace, draw 'or' blog!

I really want this book, I might 'hint' my parents to get me this for christmas!

"Are my clothes alright? Is my hair alright?
You can say what you want 'cause it's what we like
we are judged on every single thing we do
We could not care less 'cause we are us not you"

I love the courteeners <3>

I was meant to see my bestfriend this weekend, but because of how much work we both had to do today and the fact that the 'pope' was in town yesterday.
Plan got cancelled.
I just hope I get to see her next weekend, fingers crossed!
I find it slightly hard going on like this without seeing her everyday or 1nce/2wice a week.

oh my god, the amount of workload in A-Levels.
I have been doing homework since Friday night..
Although I did have a good saturday, had the flat to myself for the majority of the day so I got to paint in a peaceful environment with a half glass of nice wine & a whole of pizza to myself!

This is what I've been working on for the whole of today,
the work of James Jean

this one is called 'Vanity'

this one is called 'Crayoneater'

Both of them are very surreal pieces of artwork and gives me so much inspiration on the art project that I'm working on, which I'll be talking about in the upcoming blogs.

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“Life gets harder as you get older” my friend’s dad had said this when we were in his car. Then I had a little thought to myself, a realization that he was right. I was and still am waiting for something magical to happen and just change everything and make everything better. It feels like you know when you want to get the day over and done with because you are waiting for a better day to come, you are hoping that, that better day is tomorrow. But it’s not; it’s just like the one you’ve just been put through. Sometimes people make me so angry; sometimes it’s hard to believe whether the things that they do are real or not.

I’m starting to learn so much already, I have realized how precious some people are to me and that they will be treasured and kept forever. And I am so very grateful to have met such wonderful friends!
Even though I lack self-esteem and knowing the fact that I’m not them good looking girls you find around high streets, I still am myself around everyone no matter how weird my personality is. I have also learnt not to put in too much effort with people as I used to, not saying that I don’t put in the effort and just waiting around for people to come to me, it's just the fact that the harder you try the less you have to become yourself.

I grew a little closer to this friend of mine in my art class and I like her very much(not in the homosexual way,ofcourse) because she’s carefree, she’s fun and funny, and most importantly she has her own point of view to things and is not afraid to share them out. I can also have a good bitch with her.

I have been feeling quite emotional for the past few days, and I dont' like it one single bit.
Hrm, anyhoo so I shared a little poportion of my thoughts.
I need to head to bed now, too tired to function properly and have a long day tomorrow!

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I am so tired, so , so tired. I keep getting so much work to do, ah I guess this is the life of 'A-Level' I haven't even had the time to blog properly 'or' sit down to have a proper text conversation with the bestfriend. Somethings are getting quite frustrating, the fact that I'm loosing self-confidence all of a sudden and the fact that I'm not as eager to make new friends. I wonder what could possibly be wrong with me ._.

I'm really looking forward to draw a nude model tomorrow at Brunel University and lots of other workshops, hopefully there's one with oil painting :) and then going on a theatre trip to see this play called 'Punk Rock' with my theatre class during the evening.

I'm jealous of everyone who get to see their dearest ones ever so often. In other words, I miss my best friend so much.

I should really be going to bed now, seeing as I've finished most of my homework and it's already midnight and have to get up at 5!
That's the bad thing about having to live so far away from school.

night.

A beautiful attic study bedroom designed by Neville Johnson.

"And now you're too tired to eat and your too hungry to sleep"

Omg about 3/4 months left till new year! I have just realized I'm living in the month of september 2010! How can this occur to me just now when I wished everyone of my good friends 'Happy September' on the 1st day of the month.

The sixth form that I'm going to has too many doors, it's like door after door after door, never ending! It's so confusing as well. But I gotta say, I like my lessons! Even though the majority of the people there aren't as friendly and welcoming. I just want to get my grades and off to UNI I go !

I have a few things I need to sort out:
-Applying for my N.I number.
-Booking an appointment with the dentist.
-Renewing my zip card.
-Activating my HMV&Odeon card.
-Need to buy a new bag
-Need to buy an easel
-Save up for christmas and new years!

so.
Today during my first art lesson in year 12, there were two girls sat near me and we were discussing about what kind of specific art we are fond of. I daren't speak first because I never do, and they both were like 'I don't like still life', I was like 'uhh-ooh' and just sat and smiled quietly on my chair.

(WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK) oh for pete sake !

anyhoo, I found some drawings and photographs that caught my interest!


I really, really, really like this necklace! REALLY.



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Okay, so I'm suppose to be in bed now but I got carried away, browsing through pictures of interior designs for kitchen and bedrooms!
I have always had a thing for kitchen, they seem to be my favorite area of any house.

Designs I like:

I love how calm this room makes you feel and the feeling of perfection.
The use of curtains makes it looks so good, might use that idea for my own bedroom.


This is so cute, it kind of reminds me of Japan for some reason.
I think it's because of the height of chairs and tables, the patterns on the pillow
and the use of flowers. LOVE IT!


I would like this to be my kitchen very much, please. Thank you.
It looks clean, rich and decent.

Alright now I'm off to bed for good.

"Bread makes you fat?!"

I am GOING to buy the movie even though I have watched it in the cinema! and maybe the movie soundtrack..

MY BABY !

Alright, I am really considering to purchase Photoshop.

I need better software for better edits!!

I am so glad that my toothache has gone for now! It was aching like so bad for the whole day, not exactly what I needed.

Atm, I feel like such a bad friend, like such a let down! I am suppose to stay over at my friend's house with a group of girls tonight, to cure her heartache! But my mother is being difficult with me for this past few days and not letting me go. I really don't like it when I can't keep up with keeping everyone equally happy. I thought about it and said to myself that it's best if I stayed at home and give my friend like a small 'sorry' gift to make it up to her.

Anyhoo, a few days ago..I stayed over my friend's place. WOW! not a lot have changed with her but boy did I have fun! It was just so lovely having long night talks with her under the duvet. Watching Scott Pilgrim v.s The World, plaing guitar hero + some other arcade games, travelling all the way to Waterloo just for a bumper car ride was one of my favorite times with her! She's such a cutie and one of the nicest friend you could ever have! I miss her already and I hope to see her soon!

Okay, I think I may have blabbered too much.
and I need my sleep now.

Night <3

I don't know why sometimes I get so angry, feel so evil and then in that moment of time, this phrase;;
"F-ck every single one of everybody!" roams around my head. The anger builds up then I think I'm such a sinner when I'm frustrated, this is when I start to cool down.

I'm like this mad machine.

I think I'm in love with Alan Pownall!

His music calms me down and makes me feel all bubbly! And obviously I can't help but sing along as loud as I can.

I haven't blogged here in awhile.. I have neglected blogspot for tumblr, my mistake. I am going to use this from now on.

Summer Holiday is coming to an end, it saddens me to think that I haven't done much and how everything hasn't gone to plan but oh well, it's not worth the complain. Results day on tuesday and I am not ready to know my grades yet! I'm too scared and worried sick everytime I think about it.

But I have to say, I'm very much looking forward to next week! Seeing my good bud, Swapnil, who I haven't seen for 2wholeyears! It'd be nice to see the changes..

*

currently,

working on a design for my first tattoo.

!

Change.

I need to start over.
I need a change.